O.K., so you try and call your health insurance company to find out if a certain medical procedure is covered under your plan. After being forced to listen to nine options, you press customer service and a recorded voice tells you that due to the company "experiencing excessive call volume," you will need to wait to speak to an "available agent."
When someone finally answers, they have a foreign accent - as you know from past calls, the customer service benefits department has been offshored - and after you ask your question, you are asked if you mind being put on hold while the representative consults his or her manager. After several minutes, the customer service agent - who is paid a subsistence wage - removes the hold and asks if this is a pre-existing condition. You point out that since you've had the policy for two years, the pre-existing condition restriction no longer applies.
The benefits representative in a distant land responds that he or she needs to again consult with the manager and you are put on hold.
When you again hear a voice, you are told that the diagnostic testing is covered, but that you have a $4,500 deductible, so the insurance won't be paying for it. You are then asked if you need any further help.
Then you call your bank that is "too big to fail" about a discrepancy in your monthly statement and are put through a loop of recorded questions and answers that don't resolve your problem, but it doesn't matter much because when you press a number that you thought would lead you to a real person, you are somehow disconnected.
Next, you call the electric utility to tell them that a tree just fell on your house power line and the house is without electricity in 98 degree heat, and after being on hold for 20 minutes, someone comes on the phone and asks if the line is sparking or setting anything on fire. You answer no, not that you can see, and then get told that since it is not an emergency, no one can come out for a few days because there aren't enough line men or women at this time to handle other than live "hot" wire repairs.
And then you call the liquor store to see if they deliver - and they answer right away, and you order a bottle of gin.
Two weeks later, you get a letter from your health insurance company informing you that although you called a benefits consultant you failed to call the department that does prior authorization and, therefore, your claim is denied and it won't even go toward your deductible.
You call the liquor store and order another bottle of gin, and are mystified at how corporations are held up as models of customer service and efficiency while the government is constantly disparaged.
And then you take another sip of gin because the liquor store is about the only business that delivers what you want.
Mark Karlin
Editor, BuzzFlash at Truthout
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